The Old and the Homeless

You never know when you are going to meet someone special. For me, it happens all the time. Sometimes on the street or at the gas pump or in the automotive section at Walmart. I especially attract the old and the homeless. I like to think I have an old soul and that is why the old men like me, but I'm pretty sure it's much less complicated than that. My southern upbringing makes it difficult for me to ignore them, I don't want to be rude, and my sense of humor is warped enough to find it entertaining.

Sometimes it crosses the line. Like the old married man, who started stalking me and thought I would find it sweet to receive one card every day, for 5 days. Sadly, the post office wasn't on his schedule so they delivered them all at the same time.... oops. Or the homeless man who sat on a bench beside me one sunny afternoon, staring at my feet. He told me my feet looked good enough to eat. I seriously wondered if maybe he was some sort of starving homeless cannibal until he started talking about the art of pleasing a woman. You see, he was a masseuse back in the day and said most men don't know how to properly please a woman, but if they would read a simple book about massage they would learn. He then asked me for $6 so he could go down to the mission and take a shower. 

 

 

There was one Saturday morning when I had thrown on what is not my norm, a not-cute t-shirt and jeans. The t-shirt was from the FBI Academy so it had a little bit of a redeeming quality. I went to Walmart to have the oil changed in my car and while I was waiting I was approached by a man. He was probably in his early 60's, wearing sweat pants with a t-shirt tucked in and white tennis shoes which he had cut the toes out of. He weighed close to 400 pounds and his feet needed room to spill out. I was vigilantly texting, knowing if I was distracted by my phone I would be less of a target, but he walked up behind me and whispered in my ear, "Are you undercover?" I had to smile. Although the FBI Acedemy insigna was a small patch, it was on my chest so I couldn't be too surprised that he tried to read it. I told him yes, I was in fact undecover, I thought the t-shirt would throw people off. He then thanked me for not walking away, that a lot of women do that (the homeless man said the SAME thing) and then said, "Do you know whats great about you?"  and I reply with a no so he started to stumble on his words as he says, "Your smile. I mean your teeth. Um, your mouth... you have a pretty mouth." My car was ready at this point so I gathered my things and swore never to have my oil changed at Walmart again.

Class vs. Klass

I think the world is slowly trying to redefine the word class. Once upon a time class was used to refer to people or things of high quality and style, like Tiffany's jewelry or a man in a tuxedo. There was a certain air of dignity surrounding people of class. It spoke of timeless elegance and grace In the south there was a bit of charm associated with it.

When did it become acceptable to literally roll out of bed and leave the house? What happened to the days of Carey Grant or Audrey Hepburn? When people seemed to care about how they looked in public and they carried themselves with grace and dignity? When you could actually understand what a person was saying because they weren't using some slang term they heard on the street?

If I didn't love my trash tv and modern technology so much I would say I was born in the wrong time period, but as it is I live in the present day. I think class is slowly and painfully being snubbed out by klass. The Real Housewives of Atlanta ooze klass. Baby shower brawls and a "Ridickulous" stripper at a klassy birthday party. Fighting about who did what to whom before they cashed a Trump Check and are now rich. The inability to properly pronounce the designer labels they spend a fortune to wear. All of this is Klassy to me.  Another lesson on klass: pulling a wig off of someones head would be considered klassy, but throwing a punch while cameras are rolling would not.

I think the Countess said it best when she said Money Can't Buy You Class. What she failed to mention is that it can buy you klass.